If It's Not Just a Game
by DanyOdair
Summary: Plot Twist, set on CF. Katniss and Peeta are forced to get married and be the star-crossed lovers from district 12 forever. But what if Snow has other plans to make Katniss pay for her act of defiance?
1. The Game

A plot twist that came into my head right after reading catching fire a few months ago. This happens right after the wedding dress photoshoot. There's still no mention about the Quarter Quell. Hope you like it!

I owe nothing except for the burning wish of getting my hands on Finnick.

* * *

><p>The tips of my fingers touch the fabric of the dress I'm wearing as to make sure that everything wasn't just a nightmare. My eyes go down to appreciate the white beautiful wedding gown Cinna made for me and finally the truth sinks in. The only thing that changed was the scenario, but we were still pieces in their game, just an instrument used for the capitol's entertainment. I look at the golden band around my finger, relieving the events from the previous hours, wondering what's going on inside Snow's head now that he has put on the show of our marriage.<p>

I stand up from the bed and walk around the fancy room of the train that takes us back home. My lips curve into a light smile at the thought. At least I'm allowed to stay with my family for a while, even if I don't know what Snow is planning to do with us.

Married. I was married, after years of denying myself even the thought of the possibility.

The party was held in the banquet room of Snow's mansion and, just as he promised, was the most luxurious party the capitol had ever seen. It was a long, torturous evening pretending to be the happiest girl on hearth for the crowd. Even though I had my mother and Prim there with me, I can still feel my cheeks hurting from the smile I had to force the whole time.

Maybe that's what Snow wants. Torture me by using me as a puppet. And he's succeeding.

Without previous warning I'm brought back to reality, but by a sight that I can't tell if it's real or just a hallucination. I stay there, paralyzed as Peeta walks out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a towel but completely naked. Without even notice me, he opens the upper drawer of the dresser at his side of the room and takes out a pair of blue boxer briefs. Lazily and as he hums an unfamiliar song, he sits on the bed and puts them on, which of course has no effect on my current state of dizziness.

**"I'm done. You can use the bathroom now…Katniss?"** he looks at me, totally puzzled and I blush immediately as I lay my eyes on the floor, far away from his now almost naked body.

If it wasn't for him I couldn't have made it. I remember how happy he looked all through the wedding and the party, how he managed the crowd and the cameras, even with his bitchy mother following and muttering insults every now and then. I frown at the memory. If they'd allowed me to take my bow to the wedding, I wouldn't have a mother-in-law by now.

**"Katniss, are you alright?"** I'm so lost in my thoughts that, without even thinking about it, I lift my eyes to face him…and then again I'm looking at him mesmerized.

That's when it hits me. Even if we know this is just a charade, by the capitols standards we are just as married as any other couple. And tonight is our wedding night.

**"I'm fine…"** I manage to say, my eyes locked on his.

His eyes shine as he smiles and walks toward me. That's when I start to shiver.

**"Well, apparently your face didn't get the memo"**

I try to smile at his joke but I can't manage myself to change my expression. Of course I can't. I'm terrified.

**"I'm going to change now…"** I almost run my way into the bathroom and lock myself in, breathing heavily.

Is this part of Snow's plan to torture me? I breathe in and out and try to calm myself down by thinking of all the times I've slept with Peeta and he never tried anything. _But we weren't married then_, a voice says inside my head. _He has every right_.

I shake my head at the thought of Peeta, my Peeta, trying to force himself on me. There's no way on hearth that he would do such an atrocious thing. His walking out of the bathroom with no clothes on was just a way to make me feel more comfortable about our new situation. And besides, I've seen him almost naked before. So why am I kicking up a fuss out of nothing?

I smile over my own stupidity as I take the make-up off my face and wash my teeth. Now I look more like myself. After looking at myself in the mirror one more time I strip off and throw the wedding dress into the laundry basket, nowhere to be seen.

The hot water finishes the work my head started and relaxes me completely, to the point that I'm thinking about telling Peeta about my worries. But as I walk out of the shower my heart stops at the realization that the place destined to put the clean clothes I'm going to wear is empty. I didn't bring my pajamas with me.

Before the terror overtakes me again I repeat myself that there's nothing wrong with it, that I could walk into the room on my underwear and it would be fine. Because we're married now. Because he's a gentleman.

So I pluck up some courage and open the bathroom door, popping out my head to look for him.

**"Peeta?"**

I wait for and answer but nothing comes. He's sound sleep on his side of the bed, the sheets just covering his lower half. I make my way towards the bed and turn the lights off before I get myself under the sheets without even putting my pajamas on, but being careful so my body doesn't touch his in the process.

So I stay there, sleepless, looking at the ceiling until inevitably my eyes fall on the body next to mine. Of all the nights we shared the same bed it was clear that the only thing we were looking for was comfort. But as I stare at his torso steadily moving at the rhythm of his low breathing and the path of freckles on his shoulders, it makes me wonder why we never did go for something else.

My husband. Peeta is my husband now. The very idea is beyond crazy, but there we are, lying next to each other and waiting for the Capitol's will to make our next move.

When my eyes reach his face and see his troubled expression I let out a sigh from my lips, because now I know that he won't help me sleep tonight. And it's not fair, but suddenly I find myself mad at him for falling asleep without even trying…

But trying what? I feel a pang on my stomach as I think about it, but then Haymitch´s words echo in my head_. __You could live__ a__thousand lives and never deserve him_.

I hate to admit it, but he's right. Peeta would never touch me if I didn't ask him before.

And in that moment I can't help to imagine what he would say if I ever asked him to touch me.

But that's totally out of the question

Now I have to stay focused of what's important: Keep my family and Gale alive. Get into Snow's head and figure out what he's trying to do. And I have to stop looking at Peeta and get these disturbing ideas about us that won't get us anywhere. That if there's a way for us to stay alive.


	2. Realizations

When we finally arrived to the district, the train station was so full of people that it was impossible for me to recognize any familiar face among the crowd. It was Peeta's hand holding a tight grip on mine as he waved with the other who led me through the people.

After what seemed like hours of waving, kissing children and shaking miners' hands we could finally make it to Peeta's house at the Victor's Village.

We made our happy entrance as newlyweds and stroke as many poses as we could for the photographers before they let us go to get ready for the toasting.

I felt Gale's eyes on me and I didn't even have to look back at him to know what he was thinking. Unlike the wedding, the toasting was something real and it tied me to Peeta beyond the Capitol's laws. A shiver crossed my spine at the realization and, as my mother straightened my dress and Prim put the piece of bread over the table, I lifted my eyes to meet Peeta's just to find the same troubled expression that he had in his sleep the previous night.

I closed the gap between us and kissed him, but this time it wasn't for the cameras. It was the only way I could find to thank him for his sacrifice. He smiled at me warmly and put the bread in my hands as to remind me that it was the second time he burned a piece of bread to keep me alive.

I don't know how he could manage to go through it, how he could compose himself and act as if it was the happiest moment of his life. Because for me and Haymitch it was clear that on the inside he was falling apart. And it was all my fault.

After the ceremony, that was televised for all of Panem to watch, the cameras and the Capitol people made their way back home and we were on our own again. And that's when the misery started…

...

The momentary euphoria caused by the wedding passed in a couple of days and with no cameras on we were allowed to go back to our routine, even though it was hard for me to keep myself busy now that the woods weren't an option anymore.

Everyday Peeta walked out of the house at sunrise to help his father with the bakery, but we both knew it was a sensible way of avoiding me. He made his intentions clear the very first night when he took his belongings and decided he was staying in one of the guess rooms. I just let him, even though that meant that I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. I owed him at least that.

I was losing him; the tender, generous, polite Peeta. But I couldn't help it, what else could I do? A thousand ideas of all the ways Snow could destroy me bounced around my head the whole day, and the list was endless. There even were times when I found myself waiting for a sign that the moment was coming, waiting for the minute I'd just drop dead and it would put an end to my agony.

But in the meantime I walk around Peeta's kitchen and pretend to do something while I watch him making bread.

**"I'm making some cheese buns for you to take to your house for dinner"** He says after fifteen minutes of uncomfortable silence.

Even though now we live together, as any other married couple, he knows that my home is where my family is.

I look up at him and smile thankfully.

**"It's not necessary; you make bread the whole day. Just take a break"**

I watch him carefully as he ignores my reply and keeps working on the dough. Maybe there's a way to get him back, I dare to hope.

** "Do you want to come and have supper with us?"** I try to manage my voice not to sound too bright.

Before he processes the invitation I know the answer. Of course he won't come. Gale is going to be there and the last thing he wants to see is me and _my cousin_ together as he plays the perfect husband to protect me and my family.

**"Thanks, but I'm not hungry"** He declines politely, as always. Then he looks at me and smiles just to calm me down **"I want to start working on a new painting…I haven't gotten my hands on my brushes and oils since we left for the Capitol"**

I stare at him in awe. It's the first time we're having and normal conversation since we got married.

**"And what do you want to portrait now?"** I ask immediately trying to sound as interested as I can.

He carefully puts the dough in the oven and turns around to lock his eyes with mine.

**"I don't know. I guess I'll just let my hand wander"**

He looks down and I know the moment is lost. So I just sit there, watching him as I pretend to be waiting for the cheese buns.

...

After a quiet dinner we all go to the living room and I sit on the couch, letting my mind wander just as Peeta's hand. Every now and then I take a look at Prim, who plays cards with Gale's brothers, and my mother who chats with Gale about his injuries from the whipping.

Gale. Things are different between us. Without the hunting, there's not much left to do for us and we never were the chatting type of friends. So we just stay there in silence and at a fair distance, because want it or not Peeta is there and I owe him at least some respect.

**"Still trying to get into Snow's head, sweetheart?"** I jump at the words, realizing that I had almost forgotten that Haymitch was there with us.

He takes a seat next to me in the couch and I immediately feel the smell of the alcohol he drinks like water. I look around to make sure no one is listening to us.

**"It has been almost a week since the wedding and there's no sign from him"** Haymitch makes a sound with his tongue I can't figure out. I simply shrug** "I guess he's just trying to find a painful and slow, yet original way to kill me"**

He makes the sound again and shakes his head as he stares at the glass on his hand.

**"I thought you were smarter, honestly…"**

I look at him, the appalling state he always seems to be in, his loneliness… and suddenly it hits me. My eyes grow wide and I feel like the most stupid person in the world for not considering the obvious.

**"He's not going to kill me…"** I blurt out. Rather than a speculation it's an affirmation.

He finishes off his drink in one gulp and then looks at me.

**"Of course not, it would be stupid from him for two reasons"** I already know the reasons, but still let him talk **"First, if he kills you he turns you into a martyr, and martyrs are the main ingredient of rebellions"** His eyes go from me to the kids playing in anticipation of his words** "Second; there are more ways of killing a cat than choking it with cream"**

I instantly look at Buttercup, purring lazily and cuddling next to Prim.

**"My family..."** when the words leave my mouth I feel strange, like I'm getting into a whole new terrifying reality. Terror take over me** "One by one, just to cause more effect on me"**

It's Haymitch's turn to shrug and sigh.

**"That sounds like a Capitol-made plan"**

When reality sinks in, I look around the room as if it were the last time I saw them all together.

**"Prim. My mother. Gale. His family…"**

**"Peeta"** Haymitch adds, as if I'd forgotten him **"That's the main reason to force the marriage between you two"**

I look at him puzzled, waiting for an explanation.

** "It's like giving you a puppy and then take it away from you"** The analogy makes me feel a punch in the stomach **"Brilliant, if I may add. You'll go insane in a couple of weeks"**

**"Peeta is not a puppy"** It's all I can say; because suddenly the idea of losing Peeta is the worst thing I've ever heard after my sister's name at the reaping.

Haymitch laughs and I can see Gale walking towards us, his eyes full of concern. He knows what we are talking about. Who we are talking about.

**"He follows you around like one. Well, used to…lately he seems a little less interested"** He gets up in order to make space for Gale and gives us a significant look** "Maybe he's finally seeing some sense"**

I stay silent, squeezing my eyes shut tight and wishfully thinking that we were just overreacting, that Snow wouldn't do anything to my family because, as he said, I'm too popular for it to go unnoticed.

He wouldn't kill Peeta either; he's just as popular as me. And besides I live with him now, and when he's not at home he's at the bakery, so he's never alone…

I spring off the couch and look through the window at the house in front of mine. Peeta.

**"I've got to go back home"** I say more to myself than the others as I make my way to the door.

Gale's frowns, but tries to hide his anger with a smile and takes my hand.

**"Catnip, you're home"**

But I don't listen to him, and without even notice it I'm running out of the house and storming into Peeta's kitchen, screaming his name. There's no answer. No lights on.

My heart skips a beat when I see an intact plate of food in the dining table. As fast as my legs allow me I climb up the stairs, still screaming. A sigh of relief escapes my lips as I see there's a light on at the end of the hall, and I want to believe that's the room that Peeta uses as studio with all my heart

Still, as I walk towards the room, my mind starts racing and I think of all the bad things that could've happened in my absence.

**"Hey…"** His voice fills my body with joy and at the same time makes me jump with fright** "What's wrong?"**

He walks towards me and the only thing I get to do is to punch him in the arm.

**"You scared me to death! Why on hearth you didn't answer when I screamed your name?"** without even noticing it I'm using the tone I reserve for the few times I have to scold Prim.

But by his expression he has barely noticed my despair. He walks back into the room and I follow him reluctantly.

**"I'm sorry, didn't hear a thing"** he simply answers as he sobs his arm and looks at the canvas in front of him **"I guess I was kind of absorbed"**

His indifference makes me lose my temper and I find myself wanting to punch him on the face, but as I'm about to do it my eyes go from him to the canvas. I look at it in awe and I see it, right there over the piece of fabric. Is Prim. Peeta's oils and brushes had just created a colorful, smiling and accurate portrait of my beloved sister, surrounded by the flowers she was named after.

**"You can put it in your room once I've finished"** His soft voice pulls me back into reality and after all these days I finally see him. My Peeta.** "I made it to remind us why we're doing this... The color of her eyes was difficult though, because I had to…"**

But before he can finish the sentence I clung to his neck and kiss him full on the mouth almost desperately.

**"Come back to your room"** I plead before I can control myself as I press my forehead against his and I'm so grateful that he hasn't have the time to react yet **"With me"**

He stays still, staring at me in state of shock but that the same time I see his struggled expression. He's considering it.

**"I don't want to be alone"** I add, trying to sound less desperate that I actually am.

The truth is I don't want him to be alone.

And as he walks into the room and gets himself under the sheets, right next to me, I know that this night I'll finally get some sleep. In the darkness I feel his arms pulling me closer and I gladly let him, losing myself in the feeling of his warm body. I sigh in relief as I put my palms over his chest. He's there. He's real. And if Snow wants to take him away from me I won't let him go without a fight.


	3. The Feeling

The house smells like cinnamon and dill, just like Peeta's hands after a long day of making bread, and there's such a peace and warmth in the air that I can't help but sigh as I watch the snow fall outside the window. Is unbelievable how I never realized of the peace he unconsciously radiates to every person that comes around him, me included.

In the last few days we've been able to sort some things out, heal some wounds and finally, after all this time, get to know each other for real. And since he came back to his room, _our room_, I've been able to sleep almost normally.

The loudness of his feet stomping on the floor above me breaks the silence of the house and brings me back to reality.

**"Good morning"** I greet him as he walks from the stairs to the kitchen **"I made some tea for you, no sugar of course"**

I pour the reddish liquid into his cup and hand him some cookies. Ironically, he's not a huge fan of bread.

**"Thank you"** Taken aback by my sudden kindness, he sits next to me and gives me a warmth smile that fills the room. His eyes go from me to his cup and then to the wall clock above our fireplace **"It's not even seven, why are you up so early?"**

_Because I had a nightmare, couldn't get back to sleep and I didn't want to wake you up_. That's the reason, but I can't just tell him that so I say the first thing that comes to my head.

**"I didn't feel like staying in bed"** He stares at me for a moment, not believing a word, and apparently decides to let it pass for the moment.

**"So tell me, what are your plans for the day?"** I ask before he has the time to think about me suddenly becoming a morning person for no reason.

** "I guess I'll just go to the bakery" **I feel my heart drop as I hear him. Is he trying to avoid me again?

Since that night, when I asked him to sleep with me, he's been spending a little less time at the bakery and more time at home with me, either painting or baking. That's why his plan takes me by surprise.

**"But it's Sunday; the bakery's supposed to be closed am I right?"**

No, he wouldn't be sitting here if he were trying to get away from me. There must be something else, something he isn't telling me, I think as he soaks a cookie in his tea and shrugs.

**"There are things that need to get done and the sooner the better"** He simply answers, his eyes on the floor. Definitely, he's keeping something from me **"Anyway, I'm sure your plans for the day are way better than mine, am I right?"**

Well, that's a nice way of letting me know he won't tell me a thing about what's happening to him.

**"I'll just try not to get frozen"** I answer casually, looking through the window as the snowflakes fall and the wind blows **"You should try the same when you get to the bakery, the ovens won't be on today"**

He smiles and shakes his head, making clear that he realized I was trying to get him to speak again. I jump at his touch as he takes my hand and squeezes it gently. I can't help but squeeze his in return and sigh.

Suddenly I feel someone coughing and I take my eyes from Peeta's just to see Gale standing on the door, looking at us with an angry expression on his face

**"Hey"** Is all I can manage to say as I take my hand off of Peeta's grip.

**"Hey Catnip"** He answers, trying to sound cheerful as he walks towards me. Then he looks at Peeta, who seems to be very upset **"Peeta"**

There's an uncomfortable silence and I just stand there as they stare at each other. I guess being in the arena wasn't that bad after all.

**"Good morning"** Polite as always, Peeta stands up and tries to handle the situation with a fake smile or a joke **"Well I guess I better go before the weather gets worse, if that's possible"**

He starts walking towards the door, but before he reaches the doorknob I run to grab his coat from the coat rack and hand it for him to put it on.

Peeta stands there for a moment, looking at me in awe before he puts the garment on and finishes off his tea with one large gulp.

**"Thank you"** he finally says, a little bit overwhelmed. Then he looks at Gale with the corner of his eye and smiles **"Have a nice day. I'll be back around seven"**

I simply nod and watch him as he walks out of the house.

**"Where is he going?" ** Gale asks, trying to get my attention back to him.

**"To the bakery"**

I keep looking through the window as Peeta's silhouette disappears on the horizon.

**"He'll be fine, Katniss"** He squeezes my shoulders and I can't help but to compare the coldness of his hands to the warmth I'm used to feel when Peeta's around "**C'mon, your mother is waiting us for breakfast"**

**...**

After a long day that included getting Haymitch out of his house to clean it up, helping Prim with her homework and mom with the chores, I decide to walk Gale to town. As we make our way through the snow, we talk about the new peacekeepers, the people who got punished this week and the ways we could help them.

When I'm speaking about how everything would be different if we could still go to the woods, he unexpectedly pulls me closer to him and kisses me. And, for some reason that I can't explain, I can't reciprocate his advance. So I just stand there frozen with my eyes shut tight until he finally pulls away.

**"It was a great day, right?"** he smiles at me, his arms still around me **"Why don't you walk as far as my house with me?"**

I'm about to nod, but then again that inexplicable feeling makes me stop and pull away from his grip.

**"I'm sorry, but I promised Madge I'd drop by her house today. I haven't seen her in ages!" **I try to sound as smooth as I can, but I catch a glimpse of disappointment on his face.

**"Okay; then I guess I'll see you next Sunday"**

He simply waves and watches me as I walk towards the major's house, but as he turns around I stop in my tracks and walk in the opposite direction. I don't know if it's guilt or concern that I'm feeling, but there's something that pushes me through a well-known path. Peeta's bakery.

Since the bakery's supposed to be closed, I head directly to the back door where a few years ago I used to knock and wait for Mr. Mellark to buy my squirrels. The lights are on, and this time I don't even knock. A wave of hot air hits me as I open the door, just to hear Peeta's laugh fill the entire place.

**"…and what about this one, Peets?" **

A high-pitch, yet familiar voice echoes in my head as I close the door behind me. I move from my current position and my eyes find a blond, lumpy, smiling girl sitting right next to Peeta, who just smiles as he looks at whatever the girl is showing him and shakes his head.

Her name comes to my mind in the form of the avox girl. Peeta said she looked like Delly Cartwright to cover me. That's her name. Delly.

** "You can be the greatest baker in the world, but I'm still the fashionable one"** She says with a flirtatious tone I've only heard on the girls from the Capitol that I laughed at.

But right now, as I watch Peeta taking her hand, laughter is the last thing that comes to my mind.

**"Just pass me my dough girl, Dells. I need to put some style on her" **

She backs off and slaps Peeta's hand, but there's still that happy smile on her face and I wonder if she can feel her cheeks at all. Not that I care.

** "You must be nuts if you think I'm going to let her fall in your mischievous hands"** she cradles the dough on her palm and caress it with her fingers **"She looks ridiculous already"**

Peeta shrugs and gives her that warmth smile he only has for me. My smile. Out of nowhere, I feel a pang in the guts and suddenly the idea of shooting an arrow straight to her head seems quite interesting.

**"Whatever you want Dells, I'm still cooking her" **

A shiver runs through my body as I see him throwing his arms around her to start a very childish struggle for the piece of dough. Their faces are so close that for a moment I'm sure they are about to kiss.

**"Peeta!"** The scream escapes my lips before I'm able to control it

He immediately springs off the chair he's sitting and looks at me in disbelief. I avoid his eyes and blush at the thought of how ridiculous I must look right now.

**"Katniss?" **He's in shock, I can tell by the tone of his voice.

So I raise my head and my eyes meet his confused expression as I try to think of a possible explanation for me being there interrupting his moment with 'his friend'. And it's her voice that takes us out of our trance.

**"Hey!"** The girls greets me cheerfully and I wish she just stopped smiling for a second **"We're making some dough kids; do you want to join us?"**

Why on earth she's so nice to me? Of course, she doesn't know about my plans of passing her through with one of my arrows.

**"No, thank you"** I reply in a futile attempt at being polite, and then look at Peeta trying not to sound as mad as I actually am **"You said you'd be home by seven, I got worried"**

**"I'm sorry, but Delly came to pay me a visit and we just got carried away…"**

**"Peets, I should be apologizing for that"** How can her voice be so annoying? **"I'm so sorry Katniss, but I've missed him so much! Besides, you get to have him the whole time" **

Breathe Katniss; breathe before you leave Peeta friendless.

**"I guess you're right…" **But the tone of my voice says she couldn't be more wrong **"Peeta, are we going home or we'll just stay the whole night here making people with dough?"**

I didn't mean to sound as if I was threatening him, but I did. And I know it because he opened his eyes wide and nodded silently, his face full of fear.

**"I'll go to grab my coat"** He drops out, but then stops on his tracks to look at the lumpy girl who stands there, with a confused look on her face **"Dells, we'll walk you home. It's getting late and now, with the new head peacekeeper around, darkness can be pretty dangerous"**

_'Peets'_? _'Dells'_? If I stay any longer anywhere near them I'm going to throw up. So I walk out of the bakery and wait outside, always keeping an eye on them. With the wind hitting on my face I'm finally able to think straight, and that's when I allow to ask myself who am I and what did I do to the old Katniss?

**...**

**"Do you want me to make some cheese buns?"**

He looks at me from his seat at the corner of the kitchen table. As I feel his eyes upon me I shift uneasily in the couch, but decide to ignore him and pretend that I'm absorbed in a book I don't even know what is about.

** "No" **

Is the only answer he will get from me for now, and until I can figure out why I'm so mad at him.

**"Are you tired and want to get some sleep?"**

Peeta never gives up, that's the trait I admire the most in him.

**"No"**

**"How about watching TV?"**

**"No"**

**"Are you jealous of Dells?"**

I drop my book and open my mouth as to say something, but nothing comes out.

**"I…" **It catches me completely by surprise, but after a few seconds I manage to answer **"No, I'm not jealous of 'Dells'. Why would I be? " **

As I air quote the girl's pet name I look at him just to see his face split into a wide smile. I can tell he's suppressing a laugh.

**"I don't know…tell me what's wrong then, maybe we can figure it out" **

Am I actually jealous of that girl? Why would I be? Besides the fact that Peeta makes dough people with her and laughs so genuinely when she's around, there's nothing special about 'Dells'. But then, why do I feel the urge to put my hands around her neck and squeeze it until she gets blue?

**"Everything is fine" **I'm lying, and it's so obvious that my cheeks turn red in a split second.

He laughs, and the sound is so pure that I can't help but to look at him. Silence falls upon us and fills the room. I watch as he frowns and looks back at me, a struggled expression on his face.

** "My mother kicked me out the bakery" **He suddenly says, dropping his eyes to the floor.

So that's what he didn't want to tell me in the morning. I open my mouth to say something, but I can't form a coherent and comforting sentence at the same time.

**"What!" **I manage to scream after a moment as I stand up from the couch and cross the living room to reach him, completely failing at my attempt of ignoring his advances **"What happened?"**

As I move a chair next to his and sit down he raises his eyes to meet mine and shrugs, the fake smile of resignation never leaving his lips.

**"She said that now that I'm married I should be starting my own business and stay away from my father's" **

At least a thousand insults cross my mind, all of them directed to the woman in question.

**"But that's unfair! You help him so much!" **Peeta's life is baking, there's no way he could go on without the bakery. I put my hands over his and squeeze them, just as he did with mine this morning** "I will go to pay her a visit"**

He shakes his head.

**"There no use in talking to her" **Of course he already tried to convince her, words are one of his talents.

**"Who said I would be talking to her?"**

He smiles weakly at me and I suddenly feel the urge to make him feel better, just as he has done so many times. So I put my arms around him and pull him closer to my body.

**"You are the best son she could've ever had, Peeta" **I whisper into his ear, reassuring him of what's clear for me and for everyone but him.

**"Then why she hates me so much?"**

I can feel he's about to break and the only way I can find to keep him from falling in pieces on the floor is pressing my lips against his. Then I cup his face into my hands and force him to look at me.

**"Your mother doesn't hate you, she's just too afraid of losing you"** I don't know if that's true, but the only thing I want right now is to see him smile again. That's when a rush of honesty hits me and before I can help myself I add **"Just as I am"**

I suddenly find myself lost in the blue pools of his eyes and before I know what's going on his lips crush urgently, almost forcefully against mine and my mind goes dead.

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><p>AN: Sorry for the delay, but it was so hard for me to write about a jealous Katniss! We never got the chance to read about it, but I'm pretty sure she would be pretty lethal. Hope you liked it!<p> 


	4. Out of My Reach

Sorry for the delay, but it's the first time I've got time in weeks to write.

Beta Credits to: Keep It Lowkey (.net/u/3098745/) Thank you!

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><p>There's nothing I can do. My body reacts to his touch before I can control it, and like that one time back in the arena, I find myself wanting more. So I don't protest when he lifts me from my chair and places me over the table, his lips never leaving mine. I can't deny it. Deep down, I know I wanted this since the day he came back to our room. So when he pulls away, panting for air, and presses his forehead against mine, I lock my eyes on his and cup his face with my hands.<p>

**"Please don't leave me,"** He pleads, his voice shaking with fear.

Leaving him is the last thing that crosses my mind right now. Why would I? With him standing so close to me, it doesn't make sense at all.

**"Never,"** I assure him because it's the only thing I can say. I mean it too.

And then I kiss him. Hard. The hunger appears again, and the only way to quench it is to feel him close. So, without hesitation, I pull him to my body and tangle my legs around his waist.

My brain can't form any coherent thought right now. I can only feel. I feel his unsteady breathing mixing in with mine, his lips leaving my mouth and making their way to my neck, his hands wandering shyly on my back, and, for a moment, I wish he wasn't such a gentleman.

Instinctively, I put both of my hands on his chest and tug at his shirt. As a response, I hear him growl against my neck, and I feel his trembling, soft hands making their way under my shirt. I jump at the feel of his fingertips on my skin and he, taking it as a sign, immediately pulls away. His wide eyes meet mine as he tries to catch his breath again, and I can tell that he is about to apologize. I know that if he does, then the moment will be gone.

**"Don't…please don't leave me,"** I repeat his words, but with a whole new meaning.

Why am I doing this? What is this feeling—this unfamiliar craving? Before I can figure it out, my mind goes dead again, and I only feel as he anxiously puts his hands back under my shirt and pulls me closer again.

But then I feel as he freezes on the spot, his eyes wide open, and when I'm about to complain, I notice something else. He's not looking at me anymore. We're no longer alone.

**"Prim…"** I choke with my saliva as I see her. She's standing there, her hand still on the doorknob. Her beautiful blue eyes seem bigger than usual as she looks at us, obviously in some kind of shock.

Reluctantly, Peeta backs off of me and I jump from the table, straightening my shirt and trying to take of what's left of my dignity.

**"Mom wanted to know if you're going to have dinner with us."** She's the one who breaks the awkward silence, but I can't help to avoid her eyes. **"The peacekeepers announced this evening that there was mandatory programming tonight, and mom thought we could all watch it together."**

I couldn't care less about what the peacekeepers want us to watch. I only wish the earth would swallow me up so I wouldn't have to face Prim after the scene she witnessed. My eyes look for Peeta's to ask for help. I find him looking at me with his sparkling eyes, his blonde hair all messed up and his cheeks a bit rouged with excited embarrassment. I don't know if it's because of what just took place but I've never seen him handsomer before.

I suddenly feel the urge to run, to hide under the bed like a little girl who's afraid of the monster in the closet. But I can't. I can't leave him alone, not after what happened. Or didn't happen.

** "Actually we haven't prepared anything for dinner yet."** Of course we didn't, we were using the kitchen for other purposes. I blush at the thought.

**"Let's go,"** I say as I turn to Peeta, trying to sound as casual as I can.

I exchange a look with him as we head to my house, and even though I don't dare to look at her, I can feel Prim's eyes on me.

As I enter in the house, I find Haymitch sitting in the couch, his usual glass of liquor on his hand. His free hand lies on Prim's cat, Buttercup, which purrs happily onto his lap.

**"Haymitch,"** I walk towards him trying to get rid of Prim's accusing look, **"I thought you would be enjoying your clean house after our 'invasion' this morning."**

He simply shrugs as he takes a sip of his drink.

**"What can I say? The food here is good."** Buttercup looks at me for a moment and hisses. Haymitch lets out a mocking guffaw. **"And at least the cat likes me."**

Before he speaks, I feel Peeta's scent behind me, and the heat of his body jolts mine as he stands beside me.

**"So, what do you think it's going to be?" **He asks Haymitch, pointing at the TV in front of us.

Haymitch finishes off his drink and thinks for a moment.

**"I don't know, but if it comes from the Capitol it can't be good." **

Before we can start a conversation about it, my mother calls to us for dinner, and I run to the table to sit as far from Peeta as I can.

I look at him as he talks to my mother about the different ways of making dough for bread, his blue eyes sparkling and that warm smile on his face as always. How can he act as if nothing happened?

Maybe it didn't mean much for him. Maybe he had been in that kind of situation before with that friend of his, Dells. Out of nowhere, I find myself angry at him again.

Then I look at Prim, and I meet her eyes. She smiles at me, and I blush as I realize she caught me looking at Peeta.

That makes me wonder, what would have happened if Prim hadn't walked in on us?

When I'm about to get even redder than I already am, we hear the Capitol anthem playing on the television and the room goes silent, all the eyes fixed on the screen. As the music fades, President Snow takes the stage followed by a young boy dressed in a white suit, holding a simple wooden box. The anthem ends, and President Snow begins to speak, to remind us all of the Dark Days from which the Hunger Games were born. When the laws for the Games were laid out, they dictated that every twenty-five years the anniversary would be marked by a Quarter Quell. It would call for a glorified version of the Games to make fresh the memory of those killed by the districts' rebellion. These words could not be more pointed, since I suspect several districts are rebelling right now. President Snow goes on to tell us what happened in the previous Quarter Quells.

**"On the twenty-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that their children were dying because of their choice to initiate violence, every district was made to hold an election and vote on the tributes who would represent it." **

And that's why I'm not having kids. It must have been devastating for those kids' parents to have their own neighbors choosing their children as tributes.

**"On the fiftieth anniversary,"** Snow's voice takes me out of my thoughts,** "as a reminder that two rebels died for each Capitol citizen, every district was required to send twice as many tributes." **

I look at Haymitch as he shifts uneasily on the chair. That was the year he won.

**"And now we honor our third Quarter Quell,"** says the president, and the little boy in white steps forward, holding out the box as he opens the lid. We can see the tidy, upright rows of yellowed envelopes. Whoever devised the Quarter Quell system had prepared for centuries of Hunger Games. The president removes an envelope clearly marked with a 75. He runs his finger under the flap and pulls out a small square of paper.

**"On the seventy-fifth anniversary, as we know that it was the male rebels who dragged their wives and children into the war, this year both tributes will be males." **

Only male tributes? Of course, that means more violence and more fun for them. Snow clears his throat, making us know he hasn't finished yet.

**"Not only this, but also, and as a reminder to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol, the tributes will be reaped from the districts' existing pool of male victors." **

What does it mean? Existing pool of male victors? I feel my mother and Prim's gaze upon me and as I turn to Peeta for an answer. I look at him in the eyes for the first time since that moment when Prim caught us, and when I see his shocked expression I finally get it. District 12 only has two existing male victors to choose from.

I put my hand over my mouth to suppress a scream. The Capitol has found a way to take Peeta away from me, a way that I can't fight off.

They're sending him back into the arena.


	5. The Dandelion

It took me months to finally get this chapter done. Hope you all like it!

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><p>"<strong>So that's how the Capitol is going to make you lose it,"<strong> Haymitch is the first to break de deathly silence that fills the room.

I just listen to him, unable to move or speak, my eyes fixed on Peeta and his unreadable facial expression. His now sad big blue eyes look away from the screen, where Snow keeps talking about something I couldn't care less, and meet mine. Immediately, he fakes a warm smile just to calm me down.

Haymitch's voice reaches my ears once again, but it sounds like he's miles away from me.

"…**It's cruel, even coming from them. Take your mentor and husband to the same place you outsmarted them and force you to watch as we die, unable to help…"**

He keeps on with his monologue and tries to laugh but his voice cracks before he has the chance to do it.

And then it hits me.

He is going too. The Capitol is taking my mentor away, and with that they get rid of the only person I can call for help when it comes to the rebellion I supposedly started.

"**Excuse me. Thank you for dinner, Mrs. Everdeen, The lamb stew was delicious"** Peeta's voice is steady and soothing as always, but I know that on the inside he's falling apart, just as I am.

"**Peeta, wait…"** I try to reach for him, but then I feel Haymitch's hand over my shoulder.

He shakes his head as I hear the door closing behind Peeta.

"**Don't go after him. He'll come back when he feels ready"** He looks around and his dilated pupils set him up about what he's looking for **"I need a drink"**

Before I can say anything I feel my mother and Prim's eyes on me and I turn around to meet their eyes. I can tell they're shocked, but at the same time relieved that it's not me who got sent to the arena for a second time.

Of course I'm not. The Capitol wants to make sure that the pain they inflict upon me is not temporary. Snow wants me to have a long, painful and lonely life. And taking Peeta to die right before my eyes, out of my reach, is his way of telling me and all of Panem that my effort of keeping him alive back in the last arena wasn't worth it.

My mind struggles between ignoring Haymitch's advice and go after Peeta or staying there and maybe, just maybe find a way out of this mess.

"**I need a drink too,"** I say, finally making my mind up. If there's something I can do, I'm going to find it out now.

Haymitch simply laughs and apparently decides to ignore me. Still, I follow him as he walks out of my house and through the thick coat of snow that covers the pavement. I feel a chill cursing through my spine as we get into his house, the smell of alcohol hanging in the air and attacking my senses.

As soon as we reach his living room, which my mother and I cleaned a few hours ago, he heads to the bar, totally desperate. I sit on the only furniture he has on the room, a big, black couch where he uses to sleep it off.

"**So, what are you gonna do to save him?"** He serves himself a glass full of some reddish liquor I don't dare to ask the name and looks at me, waiting for an answer **"Your hands are tied now; you can't just walk into the arena to protect the boy"**

I try to think about a good, confidence answer, but nothing comes out. So I say the first thing that comes to my mind.

"**If you two are going, that automatically turns me into your mentor. I…I can get sponsors…"** Sure, besides archery I'm very good at talking to people I don't know and persuade them to invest in my tributes.

It's pretty obvious I'm not convincing Haymitch with that.

"**There must be something I can do to save you both." **

He laughs again and shakes his head as he finishes off his drink in one large gulp.

"**You can't save us both"** He states, as a matter of fact.

"**I already did it once"** I snap back **"I saved myself and Peeta"**

"**And look where we are now, sweetheart" **

He takes the bottle again to fill up his glass for the second time, but now, and after giving me a brief glimpse, he fills another one and hands it to me.

I don't hesitate, and as soon as my fingers touch the glass I pour the liquid into my mouth. I choke at the taste of it and it burns my throat, but I let it go down, hoping that it makes me feel better. And after a moment, I think it does.

"**I feel so selfish"** I blurt out, looking at my half empty glass. Does alcohol act this fast?

He looks at me for a moment and rolls his eyes.

"**Why? Because you want to save him, even if that means that I don't make it?"** I open my mouth to deny it, but it's not worth it. Haymitch and I have this connection since the first arena, and I know he can read my mind like a book. So I just look down to avoid his look as I hear him chuckle **"Please sweetheart, he's your husband"**

"**He's my friend"** It's the first time someone states the fact that Peeta and I are married, and I don't like it at all.

"**Who happens to be married to you" **He insist as he pours more alcohol in his glass and mine **"Have you ever wondered why you saved him on the first place? Why did you risk your own life in order to preserve his?"**

His question catches me by surprise. I drink the content of the glass trying to make time to think of a good answer, but then again my brain seems to be unplugged.

"**I…I don't know"** I finally admit. I don't know if it's just my imagination or the alcohol Haymitch has given me is actually getting into my system, but I feel my tongue heavier and the sudden urge to cry.

He takes a seat next to me and thinks for a moment as he decides whether to tell me or not what's on his mind.

"**You did it for the same reason they're taking him back to the arena"** He finally says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world **"Because you need him" **

As soon as the words leave Haymitch's lips, they get stuck into my brain and I sit there silent, drinking whatever he pours into my glass for what seemed like hours.

Do I need Peeta? Yes, of course I do…but why? Flashes of the kisses we shared that night burst into my brain like fireworks and for a moment it's hard to keep the tears from falling.

"**Help me…"** I plead, not even knowing where the feeling of complete desperation came from. I swallow as I feel a lump forming in my throat **"Please"**

I take Haymitch hands and he seems completely taken aback. There's no doubt the alcohol gets the sensitive part of me.

But before he has the chance to answer, his grey eyes, so characteristic from the people of the Seam, open wide as we hear the door opening.

I don't have to turn around to know who is.

"**Peeta…"** I say in a whisper before I move my head to face him. His eyes are red, just as his nose from the cold outside.

His eyes meet mine, as always, and I feel the sudden urge of running to him and hold him tight, so tight that not even the Capitol can tear us apart.

"**I'm not gonna ask you if you're alright, because I know you are not"** Haymitch interrupts our moment, and as soon as he speaks Peeta's eyes go from mine to the man sitting next to me.

"**I'm fine, actually"** His eyes go back to me and he smiles **"As long as she's safe, I will be alright"**

There's the generous, selfless Peeta I know, watching over me even when it should be the other way around.

But I can't let him, not this time.

"**It isn't about me, not anymore Peeta. You married me to save me and look where you are now!" **I try to stand up and walk towards him but as soon as my body leaves the couch I feel the room spinning around me and I'm forced to sit down again.

Is him who walks towards me and reaches for my hands as he shakes his head.

"**I married you because I love you"** He states, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

I can't remember if he said it out loud before, but now that I'm looking at him I can see it in his eyes. He really loves me.

"**Okay, now I feel uncomfortable on my own house"** Haymitch's voice takes me out of my trance, and though I don't dare to look at him I can almost picture his mocking face. **"I'll go somewhere else while you two spill honey all over the place"**

And before Peeta or I have the chance to say anything he stands up and walks towards the kitchen, never leaving his bottle and glass.

Peeta watches as Haymitch leaves and takes his place in the couch next to me. The silence fills the room once again as we look into each other's eyes.

"**Haymitch is right, I don't deserve you. I can't see any reason why you should…"** I choke, unable to say the "l" word.

I actually wonder how a man such as him could fall for someone such as me.

I'm a mess, I'm the girl who was on fire and now sets everything she touches alight. The girl that's broken, that could never love him in the way he deserves to be loved.

Even so, my statement makes him laugh, his lips curving into a smile that makes my heart drop.

"**If you think there must be a reason to love someone, then you don't know a thing about love" **

I smile at his response, simple, but at the same time so deep and full of truth, just like him. I open my eyes wide at the realization that, once again, Haymitch is right. I wouldn't even last a day without Peeta by my side. If he dies, I die with him.

"**I may not know a thing about love, but I'm pretty sure about us"** I take his hands in mine, intertwining our fingers **"We're going to make it, together"**

It's more than an affirmation, it's a promise. I'm going to take him out of that Arena alive, even if I have to crawl my way into that place to keep him save.

"**Let's go home, Katniss. You're drunk"** He says, pulling away and ignoring my statement completely.

He stands up and helps me to get on my feet. I smile and try to hide the fact that the room spins faster with every step I make as I follow him out of Haymitch's house, my hand holding his tight.

Outside, the wind blows high and the cold gets through my body almost instantly, causing me to awaken a little bit from the slumber the alcohol put me on. But as soon as I raise my eyes from the floor, the thickness of the snow we walk through makes me totter. Immediately, Peeta turns around and grabs me by the waist.

Even in the winter cold and through my clothes, I can feel his hands keeping a tight grip on me. How come his hands are never cold?

"**Are you alright?"** he asks, his face full of concern.

Does he never get tired of being so gentle? Even in this scenario, when he's just been told that in a few months he'll be facing the arena once again, his eyes look at me like I'm the only thing that matters.

"**Your reflexes are pretty good"** I congratulate him as I straighten up again, in an attempt to cheer him up **"The Arena will be a piece of cake for you"**

He pulls away and smiles at my comment, but I realize he's sad by the way he lowers his head and fixes his gaze on the snow that covers the floor.

"**If I survived the last arena was because of your help"** He says before I have the chance to open my mouth and shrugs **"There's no way I can make it on my own"**

He's losing hope. Once again Peeta is underestimating himself, and I just wish I could make him see how good he can be.

And just like a few hours ago, when he asked me why his mother didn't love him, my mouth doesn't ask for permission to talk. The alcohol Haymitch gave me isn't helping, either.

"**I won't be able to make it on my own either, Peeta"** I feel the words coming deep down of my chest, like a weight that needs to get off. My foggy mind races as I cup his warm face with my cold hands, forcing him to look at me **"Please, don't give up. Not just yet"**

And before he has the chance to protest I flung myself into his arms, crashing my lips against his, and in that moment I realize that it's something that I've wanted to do since we heard Snow words. Instinctively he wraps his arms around me, trying to keep us from falling onto the cold snow as I place both of my hands on the back of his neck to pull him closer.

His soft lips are cold and the kisses taste like a mix of Haymitch's liquor, salt from the tears he had shed and water from the snow that falls onto our heads, but it's perfect. And it's perfect because is him who I am kissing.

I don't know if it's the wind, the alcohol or the lack of air, but suddenly my head gets dizzy and I find myself being forced to pull away. He presses his forehead against mine as we try to catch our breaths. Without any warning, he raises his eyes from the floor and locks them on mine.

That's when it happens.

His dark blue pools lit my body on fire. Somehow, something clicks inside of me, like a match that starts a fire, and I feel an urge, an ache deep inside my body; and suddenly his closeness and his hands caressing me through my clothes are not enough.

I'm hungry; I'm thirsty, like I've never been in my life. But when I put my lips on his again I know it's not food or water what my body is asking for.

"**Peeta…"** I whisper his name into his lips, praying for something that I don't even know what it is.

And then, when he kisses me back tenderly as always, I know that Haymitch couldn't be more right. I saved Peeta, and I would do it a thousand times if I had to. Because I need him.

Because without him, life is hopeless like an empty dandelion.

And now that in a few months he'll be facing the arena again, out of my reach, all I want is to feel that he's real in every possible way.


End file.
